I like it... I think it's nice...

For those of you who are wondering how my trip home was I have this to say to you: I liked it. It was nice. For those of you who are wondering how I am enjoying seminary I have this to say to you: I like it. I think it's nice.

I came back to MA yesterday after almost 3 full weeks at home. A lot happened while at home - some of which I have already blogged about. My apologies to those who read my last blog and were confused as to when I was giving the message at camp. That happened on Sunday - not Monday. I think of Sunday as Memorial Day too - forgive me. The service went really well, I think. Steve told me that I looked natural speaking in front of all those people and that was a very nice compliment that I'm willing to believe.

Sunday I also went down to Sioux Falls for USF's graduation. I really enjoyed going to the ceremony and recognizing so many of the graduates - including one of my best friends in the entire world - Nealy Williams. Again Nealy, congrats! She graduated with three (yes, three!) majors - what a crazy girl. I also ran into some of the people I graduated with last year and other dear friends from USF. Overall it was a very enjoyable day.

On Memorial Day I went to the service in the morning. There, Grandpa Henry's flag was dedicated. In Arlington there is an avenue of the flags surrounding Lake Arlington (which is more like a pond). It is really quite beautiful, but it was too windy on Monday for them to be up. Anyway, each flag in the avenue is dedicated to a veteran who has died. They are the flags off the caskets. So, from now on, my grandfather's flag will be a part of that display - a display he enjoyed very much. As a family, we have helped put up and take down the avenue of flags on the fourth of July for years. A tradition that will be more meaningful now.

Yesterday I flew back to MA. I was up at about 3am and stayed awake until probably 11pm. Long day. A long day that included flying half-way across the country and then moving down the hallway into a new room. Unpacking everything I own and re-arranging the new room. Catching up with friends at an Italian restaurant in Ipswich (that was totally awesome by the way) and starting the next installment of Anne of Green Gables.

I think it is going to take this week for me to get settled. That is alright with me though. I'm still getting used to the idea of classes in the summer and not camp. I was at camp a lot when I was home and although I love it - I know it is time to move on. As a good friend told me - You can't stay at camp your whole life. Some days I wish I could stay in that part of my life forever because it was so amazing - but I know God has other things planned for me. Other adventures are waiting for me.

Here are some pictures of my time at home - enjoy!

Reflections on the last week

Tuesday I went to my grandmother's funeral. Wednesday it hit me that she was gone.

I can't even begin to describe the life force that was my grandmother. She was in my life whether I wanted her there or not. She supported me until the end but not without comment. I remember in high school that I didn't talk to her for a month because she thought I couldn't cook or clean. I could - just not the same things she could cook. How many 16 year olds do you know who can make a roast? Well - that might be entirely the wrong question to ask depending on who is reading this...

I also remember her being truly wonderful and caring. When my grandfather had cancer my parents and I visited them at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. I remember her bragging about her family. That was always the first thing out of her mouth - how wonderful her family was. She was so proud of her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She made all of us quilts and many of us had more than one quilt from her. The quilt on the bed I'm currently sitting on was the first quilt she ever made. She kept a book of all her quilts and made comments about either the quilt or the person the quilt was for. I was reading through it at the visitation on Monday. I came across the quilt she made for me that I have in MA. She wrote about how I was in England at the time and she thought I was special. I'm really going to miss that about her. How she genuinely was proud of her family.

Speaking of the visitation and funerals - they are so strange. Like I mentioned before, it didn't really hit me until a day after the funeral that she was gone, so the visitation and funeral were strange affairs. I was sitting next to my mother at the visitation and being introduced to about a million little old ladies who knew my grandmother. We were sitting near the picture boards and one of them had a picture of me and my grandmother that I took a couple of years ago. You know the kind of picture that is just our faces. I love that picture of us because it was so spontaneous and fun. Well, the whole night people would make the connection that she was my grandmother and would give me their sympathies. I had a connection with the woman lying in the casket more than they did. It was so strange to me. I couldn't comprehend the loss that I was suffering that night.

The next day I was faced with it again. At the funeral the family follows the casket into the sanctuary. Since my dad is the oldest, our family went first. It was my parents and then me. I was the third person behind the casket in the procession. Again, tradition was telling me the magnitude of my loss and I just couldn't comprehend it. I wonder if funerals are set up that way on purpose. To help people cope with the reality of their loss. For people who were in denial - people like me.

Another tangent - since working in a church I have realized how much every aspect of a service is intentional. They order of service, the hymns, the liturgy, etc. It is all there for a reason. I encourage you the next time you are at church to pay attention to the order of service and ask yourself why that order? It brings me deeper into the service and maybe it will do the same for you.

As for the rest of my week - it's been truly wonderful. I have been seeing friends and catching up. I am truly blessed to have so many great people in my life.

One prayer request: I will be giving the message at Lake Poinsett Camp on Memorial Day. If you would like to come, the service is at 9am. The prayer request is this: pray that the word coming out of my mouth are God's and not my own.

Life and Death are never what you expect

Sorry I haven't posted for awhile - my life has been a bit hectic. Tuesday my father called and asked me to fly home a couple of days early because my grandmother was very sick. I rearranged my work schedule, postponed my moving date and changed my flights. I came home Thursday morning and headed straight to DeSmet. I was able to see my grandmother and she recognized me. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see her and all morning I had debated it. Part of me wanted to just remember her as I saw her at Christmas, but once I was in her apartment - I was thankful that God again blessed me with the chance to say goodbye.

Vivian passed away last night. She defied expectation - when my father called on Tuesday he did not think I would make it. Turns out my grandmother had more strength than anyone anticipated. My great-aunt Bernice said something in passing on Thursday that really stuck with me. She said, "Sometimes it's hard to die." It just made me think about all those people who struggle to live and here was my grandmother struggling to die. Death was a relief to her.

Normally I think of an Emily Dickinson poem - but none came to me. It is so different to have a grandmother pass. I will miss her terribly. We didn't always see eye to eye, but we challenged each other and I think we were good for each other. She taught me that nobody is perfect but everyone deserves to be loved.

I love you grandma. Be at peace now.