Reflections on the last week

Tuesday I went to my grandmother's funeral. Wednesday it hit me that she was gone.

I can't even begin to describe the life force that was my grandmother. She was in my life whether I wanted her there or not. She supported me until the end but not without comment. I remember in high school that I didn't talk to her for a month because she thought I couldn't cook or clean. I could - just not the same things she could cook. How many 16 year olds do you know who can make a roast? Well - that might be entirely the wrong question to ask depending on who is reading this...

I also remember her being truly wonderful and caring. When my grandfather had cancer my parents and I visited them at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. I remember her bragging about her family. That was always the first thing out of her mouth - how wonderful her family was. She was so proud of her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She made all of us quilts and many of us had more than one quilt from her. The quilt on the bed I'm currently sitting on was the first quilt she ever made. She kept a book of all her quilts and made comments about either the quilt or the person the quilt was for. I was reading through it at the visitation on Monday. I came across the quilt she made for me that I have in MA. She wrote about how I was in England at the time and she thought I was special. I'm really going to miss that about her. How she genuinely was proud of her family.

Speaking of the visitation and funerals - they are so strange. Like I mentioned before, it didn't really hit me until a day after the funeral that she was gone, so the visitation and funeral were strange affairs. I was sitting next to my mother at the visitation and being introduced to about a million little old ladies who knew my grandmother. We were sitting near the picture boards and one of them had a picture of me and my grandmother that I took a couple of years ago. You know the kind of picture that is just our faces. I love that picture of us because it was so spontaneous and fun. Well, the whole night people would make the connection that she was my grandmother and would give me their sympathies. I had a connection with the woman lying in the casket more than they did. It was so strange to me. I couldn't comprehend the loss that I was suffering that night.

The next day I was faced with it again. At the funeral the family follows the casket into the sanctuary. Since my dad is the oldest, our family went first. It was my parents and then me. I was the third person behind the casket in the procession. Again, tradition was telling me the magnitude of my loss and I just couldn't comprehend it. I wonder if funerals are set up that way on purpose. To help people cope with the reality of their loss. For people who were in denial - people like me.

Another tangent - since working in a church I have realized how much every aspect of a service is intentional. They order of service, the hymns, the liturgy, etc. It is all there for a reason. I encourage you the next time you are at church to pay attention to the order of service and ask yourself why that order? It brings me deeper into the service and maybe it will do the same for you.

As for the rest of my week - it's been truly wonderful. I have been seeing friends and catching up. I am truly blessed to have so many great people in my life.

One prayer request: I will be giving the message at Lake Poinsett Camp on Memorial Day. If you would like to come, the service is at 9am. The prayer request is this: pray that the word coming out of my mouth are God's and not my own.